The Alien Invasion, White House Shenanigans, and the Secret to Consistency

A Virgin’s Guide To Being Consistent In A World Of Inconsistent Lovers

Why most creators can’t stick to a brand if their lives depended on it—and how to fix that dumpster fire.

What’s Poppin’: News You Missed (Because You Were Too Busy Scrolling Through Tinder)

• Alien: Romulus (2024 film) Launches: R-Rated films are still keeping it classy at the box office, proving that sometimes, blood and guts are the answer. The Alien franchise’s latest romp just snatched the top spot on the domestic weekend chart with $45.1 million. Was it their social media marketing? Possibly. Or maybe people just like watching things burst out of chests more than they admit in therapy. Either way, it's a win for us freaks.

• White House Creator Economy Conference: Influencers and content creators stormed the White House this week. Biden (his staff) rolled out the red carpet for TikTokers and YouTubers, proving that we’re living in a world where shaking your ass on camera can get you an invite to the nation’s capital. The creator economy is set to hit half a trillion dollars by 2025, so if you’re not cashing in on this sugar daddy of an industry, what the hell are you even doing?

• Amazon Teams Up With TikTok: Amazon and TikTok are joining forces to make your online shopping addiction even more dangerous. Soon, TikTok users will be able to buy useless crap without leaving the app. Just scroll, click, and boom—you’re one step closer to drowning in a sea of boxes and bad financial decisions. But hey, who needs savings when you can get instant gratification?

Core Concepts: A Step-by-Step Guide to Kicking Consistency’s Ass

Why Most Creators Fail to Build a Consistent Brand (And How to Fix It)

Consistency—also known as the elusive G-spot of personal branding. Everyone talks about it, but most of you have no idea how to find it. Not because you’re lazy (okay, maybe a little), but because you’ve got the organization skills of a drunk college freshman trying to find their dorm. Don’t worry, I’ve got a step-by-step plan to fix that hot mess you call a “brand.”

Step 1: Create a Content Pipeline (Because Chaos Isn’t Sexy)

The first reason your brand’s about as consistent as a one-night stand with no follow-up text is you don’t have a process. You need a pipeline—a system that gets your content from “oh, that’s a good idea” to “holy crap, it’s posted!” Here’s how:

• Ideation: Set aside time each week to brainstorm content ideas. Use a handy dandy notebook and pencil to jot them all down. That way, when your brain is as empty as a Tinder bio, you’ve got a bank of brilliance ready to go.

• Creation: Time to roll up your sleeves and turn those ideas into something tangible. Set aside blocks of time where you do nothing but create—whether it’s writing, filming, or designing. And for the love of all things holy, focus on one piece at a time. Multitasking is for amateurs.

• Scheduling: Now that you’ve got your content, don’t just let it sit there like a sad, lonely guy at the bar. Schedule it to go live at strategic times. Or just guess when to post. That way, your content keeps rolling out even when you’re busy doing… whatever it is you do when you’re not pretending to work.

• Promotion: Don’t just post and ghost—promote that sexy content. Share it across platforms, engage with your audience, and recycle it like the beer cans from last night’s party.

Step 2: Batch Your Work (Because Quickies Don’t Count as Strategy)

Batching is the secret sauce that keeps you from losing your mind. Instead of trying to do everything at once like some sort of content-creating jackrabbit, focus on one task at a time in bulk. This not only makes you more efficient but also helps you get into the zone faster than you can say "my boss wants me to go viral."

• Group Similar Tasks: Spend one day brainstorming a month’s worth of content, another day (or three) creating, and another day scheduling. Your brain will thank you for not making it switch gears every five minutes like a confused lover trying to please too many people at once.

• Assign Theme Days: Organize your week with themed days. Mondays are for brainstorming, Wednesdays are for content creation, Fridays are for scheduling and promotion. It’s like meal prep, but instead of making a sad salad, you’re cooking up some serious brand magic.

• Stick to Your Batches: Don’t let anything get in the way of your batching time. Guard it like it’s the last condom in the box. This is how you keep the content flowing without burning out or needing a shot of something stronger.

Step 3: Automate & Delegate (Because You’re Not a Machine—Or Are You?)

If you’re still doing everything manually, congrats—you’re a glutton for punishment. To build a sustainable brand, you need to get rid of repetitive tasks that don’t require your direct attention. Enter automation and delegation, your new BFFs (Best Fucking Friends).

• Automate Scheduling: Use social media platform’s tools to schedule posts. Plan your content for the week or month, and let the robots handle the rest while you focus on more important things, like figuring out what the hell you’re doing with your life.

• Automate Engagement (Selectively): If you’re swamped, automate thank-you messages to new followers or set up auto-replies for common questions. Just don’t overdo it—nobody likes chatting with a bot pretending to be human. That’s like thinking you’re about to hook up with a supermodel and ending up with a catfish.

• Delegate Repetitive Tasks: Hire a virtual assistant or freelancer to handle tasks like video editing, graphic design, or copywriting. Use platforms like Upwork or Fiverr to find someone who doesn’t suck. This frees you up to focus on the big-picture stuff, like whether you’re actually enjoying this whole “personal branding” thing or just doing it for the dopamine hits.

• Monitor & Optimize: Automation isn’t a “set it and forget it” deal. Keep an eye on your performance and adjust as needed. If your posts are bombing at noon, try a different time. If your auto-replies are annoying people, tweak them. Treat it like foreplay—keep adjusting until you find what works.

Consistency Is Key, But Only If You Know What You’re Doing

With these systems in place, you’re not just relying on motivation—because let’s face it, that’s about as reliable as a partner who claims they “forgot” to call. You’ve built a well-oiled machine that keeps your content consistent and your brand growing, even when you’re busy doing more important things… like planning your next bad decision.

Trend Unpacked: Demure Dominates LinkedIn

So, "demure" is the new black on LinkedIn. This little word that once meant “modest” and “reserved” is now the buzzword du jour, signaling that you’re soft, humble, and oh-so-authentic. But before you start snapping selfies with your best pensive face, let’s see if this trend is actually worth your time—or if it’s just another excuse to look deep while secretly trolling for likes.

Trend Report Card:

1. Adoption Ease: A+

• Comment: Toning down your posts is as easy as slipping into something more comfortable after a night out. But if you’re the type who thrives on being loud and proud, this might feel like putting a muzzle on a Rottweiler. Cozy for some, but a straitjacket for others.

2. Engagement Potential: B-

• Comment: Humility and introspection can reel in the likes from people who’ve had it with the hard sell. Just don’t overdo it with the morning affirmations—you might put your audience to sleep faster than a midday conference call.

3. Authenticity Level: C+

• Comment: If you’ve been the go-getter, rah-rah type, suddenly going demure might come off as authentic as a politician's grin. And let’s be real, folks can smell a fake from a mile away—especially on LinkedIn, where authenticity is the new black.er, people can smell a fake from a mile away—especially on LinkedIn.

Final Grade: C-

• Comment: The "demure" trend is fine for a quick engagement boost and for showing your soft side. But if it doesn’t mesh with who you really are, it’ll feel more like a bad Halloween costume than a fresh new look.

The Goods: Creators and Tool To Check Out

• You’re Missing Free Content Ideas: Google Trends is like the secret sauce you didn’t know you needed. It’s the perfect tool for getting the inside scoop on what’s hot in your niche. Set alerts for rising keywords, stay updated, and start creating content that actually gets noticed—like a good sex tape.

• A Good Tweeter (Follow This Man): I’ve been stalking—er, following—Roberto Blake for years. The dude’s a goldmine for anyone who wants to turn content creation into a full-time gig. He’s like the Yoda of YouTube, but with better hair and probably more followers than you’ll ever have.

The Callout: Reader Submission Time!

What’s the worst advice you’ve ever gotten about growing your personal brand? Hit reply and spill the beans. The most outrageous (or brutally honest) reply might just get featured in next week’s newsletter—along with some witty commentary from yours truly.

The Last Word

If you’re still struggling to get your brand together after all this, just remember: It’s okay to suck at first. Just don’t stay that way. So go out there, screw up a little, and learn from it—because that’s how you get better. And if all else fails, there’s always tequila. Or something stronger, if you’ve really had it.